My first month in Paris

March 15th marked the first month anniversary of my arrival in Paris. The whole time, I had it at the back of my mind to write a post about the experience because everything was so new and intense – from the shattering feelings of uprootedness of the first days through all the baby steps of finding my way around to when I woke up from my self-induced social winter sleep and met twenty new people at four or five events within a single week. Whichever week I’d write this post, it would take on a different coat, tracking my mood that kept changing, so take it with a grain of salt. What I write today, I would phrase differently tomorrow.

Getting into the arena

Exactly two years ago, I finally picked up creative writing regularly. I’m saying “finally” because I’ve tried many times before, always failing after a day — maybe two, if I had a good run. I used to write as a kid. The first story I remember writing was about a band of boys running through an unnamed city, playing pirates and whatnot. Yes, I was very much into Arthur Ransome and Jaroslav Foglar, thank you for asking. Continue reading

Imposter syndrom

In the past week, I received feedback for my Ph.D. thesis – three texts, two from my readers and one from my supervisor. They all have been incredibly positive – something my supervisor predicted upfront but didn’t believe him. Don’t get me wrong, I know the readers, so I know what lovely people they are. I had no expectations of them tearing me apart like one does with a piece of paper with private information written on it. But still… I don’t know. I expected them awkwardly try to say something nice while it being obvious to everyone that they’re up for an impossible task.

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Beginnings

It’s Friday, May 27, 2022, and I’m sitting at a Vietnamese restaurant across from my flat, getting fried spring rolls and coconut water. I didn’t plan to come here, but I’m feeling so tired, and it’s just the kind of a day for a treat. A group of older women sits at the table next to me, making it almost impossible for me to focus on my own words because theirs are that much more interesting. Continue reading